The Fit Girl's Kitchen

I just re-read my last two years of posts and I had to laugh to myself…"the most tumultuous, fantastic, scary, amazing, liberating and emotional year” (What I learned at 29)…"I find myself in a new place that I could not have predicted even if I had tried” (What I learned at 30).

Par for the course 31. Stability has not been the name of the game for the past few years, although I am attempting to find it. Sometimes the universe has other plans.

Island in the Sky, Canyonlands Utah / Sept 2015

As a quick recap, in the last 12 months I:

• Fell in love 
• Completed a 150 hour dynamic anatomy certification in New York 
• Got divorced 
• Was diagnosed with depression 
• Left my teaching jobs in Chicago to head west for a fresh start 
• Got pregnant 
• Moved to Breckenridge, Colorado to settle into a new community 
• Led my first international yoga retreat in France at 7 months pregnant 
• Made amazing new friends 

 …And learned an entirely new batch of lessons.

Joshua Tree, CA / December 2015

What I learned at 31: 

10. Reopening your heart is a complicated process. 
I am so lucky to have found such a supportive and patient partner in the last year. The wounds from my last relationship were deep, and I discovered many destructive old habits carrying over into my new relationship. There was a lot of undoing, a great deal of healing and a wonderful growth of love and trust in my heart this year.


9. Letting go is easier said than done. 
I lost my dog in my divorce. He was my best friend and I could NOT let it go. I never was given an opportunity to say goodbye, and every time I thought of his sweet face wondering where I was and why I had abandoned him, I would lose it. If I saw another golden doodle on the street, my day was over. A walk through the pet section at Trader Joe’s would force me into a 30 minute crying session in my car. I couldn’t function. I was stuck in the past. So I decided to pretend that he died. Knowing that he was only an hour an a half away was too opportunistic…death was at least closure.

8. Accept the help being offered to you. 
I tried to fight off my depression naturally for as long as I could. But at a certain point, the endless days of crying, sleeping, not eating and not even wanting to do yoga anymore - forced me into reality. My brain was chemically depressed and I needed to explore other options. After several months of resisting my doctor, I accepted medical intervention and the rainclouds lifted.


7. Know that you can always make a fresh start. 
Nick and I both decided we couldn’t stand another winter in Chicago and we needed a fresh start together - so we embarked on what was supposed to be a 4-month road trip out west. Fresh starts are ALWAYS available to you, but they do come with risk. You have to be willing to give up stability for the unknown, which can be awfully scary.

And then, the universe has its own plans.

New York / November 2015

6. Embrace the unexpected. 
Wouldn’t you know, a happier mind, full heart and some weight gain are a wonderful recipe for fertility? Nick and I found out I was pregnant at the end of our first stop on the #gowestadventure tour in San Diego. We looked at each other, cried some happy tears and said alright, let’s embrace this! It did change the rest of our wanderlust travel plans a bit and we decided to head to Colorado to see if we could make it work there.

San Diego, CA / December 2015

5. There are roadblocks for a reason. 
After spending almost a month in Denver with no leads on jobs or a place to live (the Denver housing market is UNREAL right now) I was ready to call it quits. Battling morning sickness while trying to get into the yoga scene at the same time was exhausting.

An annual ski trip to Keystone with my family changed everything. The mountains were cold, high and far, but the charm of the ski towns sparked something. After spending a lovely day by myself in Breckenridge, I was inspired. Inspired by young owners of juice bars and bike shops and coffee shops - our age! - who were running their own businesses, making it work and enjoying the perks of a mountain playground.

Steamboat Springs / March 2016

4. When all the doors open, take it as a sign. 
I brought Nick through Breckenridge on our way out of town, and he felt that same electric pull. 
What if we just moved up here instead? He had a job offer within 24 hours, I walked into a yoga studio and was hired on the spot, and some friends helped us with a place to stay. All signs pointed to yes! This is the place!

3. Mountain towns have their own rules. 
Shocker, I know. Making the transition from big city to resort town was a welcome change (no traffic! Everyone is smiling all the time! NO POLLUTION! Locals discounts!) but I am still navigating some of the nuances of small town life.

A friend making her way out of town cautioned me…"It can be challenging to make friendships here because people are transient. There is no consistency. And…people don’t always follow through on what they promise you.”

I will admit I have already experienced this, but the true friendships I have made have outweighed any of the small town bullshit so far.

Breckenridge, CO / July 2016

2. Hormones are real and scary and I hate them. 
I am due in four weeks and if one more elderly man asks if I am having twins, I will punch him.

1. I don’t care how strong you are, you need people to lean on. 
Divorce is horrible, depression is a mindfuck, pregnancy is incredible and terrifying at the same time…and I could not have gotten through this last year with out some pretty phenomenal people in my life. You know who you are - I’ve either called you crying or ecstatic in the last 12 months and we’ve worked through some of this craziness together because you are AWESOME and supportive and never judge. It takes a village - life is too complicated to live it alone.

Yoga in France Retreat / May 2016

And to my partner Nick - thank you for being with me, next to me and in 100% support of me for the last year of our lives. I have never experienced a relationship like this before and it is truly wonderful.

32 has already been wild, and is going to be even more of a roller coaster with our little girl arriving in just a few weeks.


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All images courtesy of Amelia Coffaro

One year ago right now, I was insanely unhappy. But I had NO clue. I was in denial. The signs were there - the main red flag being the alarmingly emotional reaction I had when my car tire almost blew out on my birthday.

I spent the day crying, with my dog, in the lobby of a Goodyear tire center. At one point on the floor. (My deepest apologies to the men working there that day. I was, for lack of better words, a hot hot mess.)

Someone asked me soon after that - are you truly happy? 

I was surprised. I answered well yes of course. How could I NOT be? I had all of the “things”. You know, the things which were supposed to make you happy - I had a new house in a pristine neighborhood, an adorable dog, a husband, a successful career…I had checked off all of the boxes.

 …Right?

And yet I was unhappy.


But I could not figure out why. So I tried a lot of things - I started exploring new career paths. I made new friendships. I broke off toxic ones. I fell out of love with myself. I made poor life decisions. I decided to escape to Bali. I fell in love again. I quit my job. I started my own business. I learned how to meditate. And I learned the power of unconditional love.

So on the eve of my 30th, I am sharing ten things I have changed or learned over this past year. I hope they inspire, cause you to reflect or possibly try new things in your own life. And please share with me if they do - I am a student and friend first always!

Ten Lessons from 29

This week the theme I have been working with in my yoga classes is kindness. Being kind to one another, and also being kind to YOURSELF.

This goes along with one of the five yamas, Ahimsa. In sanskrit, Ahimsa translates to "non-violence"; non-harm to others - in other words, universal love.
Practicing ahimsa goes beyond just acts of kindness - it also asks us to maintain kindness in our thoughts. Yoga Journal has a nice description of this:

"To practice ahimsa is to be constantly vigilant, to observe ourselves in interaction with others and to notice our thoughts and intentions. Try practicing ahimsa by observing your thoughts when a smoker sits next to you. Your thoughts may be just as damaging to you as his cigarette is to him."

Being kind to yourself in words and thoughts is just as important as being kind to others.

Being Kind to Yourself

So often we are hard on ourselves - beating ourselves up in thought for not doing something or wishing we had acted in a different way. But all of the living in the past just keeps us there - and does not allow us to progress, grow and change.

As a perfectionist, I can be SO hard on myself sometimes. But when we stop and reflect, maybe it's just the universe looking out for us...

Last night I was heading out to an event, backing out of my SUPER narrow driveway, which I am terrible at. I had to pull forward and straighten out twice and in my head I was going, Ugh you suck. How are you so bad at this? How have you not figured this out by now?



I pulled out, came to the first intersection in our neighborhood which has a two way stop, and a car BLEW through his stop sign and went through my street. I laid on my horn and thought, Oh My God...if I would have been there 5 seconds earlier, he would have completely smashed into my car.

But I wasn't. Because I am so terrible at backing out of my driveway.

Being Kind to Others

One of my favorite quotes here when remembering to treat others with kindness in words is this..."Before you open your mouth, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true?"



I find this goes a long way in sharing potentially hurtful words with others. Practicing ahimsa also means we attempt to stop the harm being caused by others. Being neutral or participating as a standby observer is just as bad as participating in the event itself - this just encourages the harmful behavior to continue.

Kindness comes in actions but also in our thoughts ABOUT others. Referring to the quote earlier - your thoughts become your actions. Even though you may not say out loud what you are thinking, your actions and your energy will speak otherwise.

It can be a difficult practice to ALWAYS think kind thoughts - but I also like this quote for times when you just think, I CANNOT reason with this person:


You don't know that person's full story, what they went through that day, that week, that year. Kindness speaks volumes and will be returned to you tenfold.

Practice Kindness

Two ways to practice kindness the rest of this week and weekend:

• Compliment or go out of your way to help three strangers. See how you feel.
• Remove the word "should" from your vocabulary. See how this shifts your perspective in being kind to yourself

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For our first week of the FGK Mindful May challenge, we are focusing on gratitude.

I chose gratitude first in this series because it is one of the easiest and most accessible approaches to living mindfully. Most of our days are comprised of routine - we get sucked into our day to day responsibilities, errands, requirements and it becomes easy to lose our connection to ourselves.

We can see this when we become frustrated at that person in line in front of us at the store, snap at someone who cuts us off in traffic, or lash out at a loved one for no reason. We think, ugh, that's not me. I am not a hateful person...why did I lose my cool?

We also see this in comparing our lives to others - wanting what they have, feeling that we are not good enough. This is our ego driving us, and not our true self.

So how does gratitude play a role here?

Actions and Reactions

One of the best ways to begin cultivating a connection to our true selves is to be mindful in our interactions with others. We can do this by beginning to shift our perspective when faced with situations where we would normally react in a negative way. The easiest way to do this is through gratitude.

What do I mean by this?

Let's take the grocery store scenario. It's late in the day, you are in line and at the store waiting to pay for your food, just wanting to GET HOME. The person in front of you is taking forever - you totally picked the wrong line.

Stop. Pause. Take a deep breath - and think of three things to be thankful for about situation, ie...

- I am thankful I have a job that gives me enough money to afford these groceries tonight
- I appreciate the person who is working behind the counter serving me (and the person taking forever). They probably want to be home with their family right now too, but they will most likely be here late into the night.
- I am grateful for a few extra minutes alone with myself to reflect


Now, notice the change in your body, physically. You probably feel calmer. You may even be smiling. Go ahead and send some love out to the person in front of you, a wish that their day gets better too.

Attitude shift. Just by saying thanks.

Role of Ego

Gratitude can also be helpful when we allow our insecurities to drive us. This is the ego speaking from a place of fear - telling us we are not good enough. Thinking we need more to make us feel better. We "should' feel guilty/ashamed/bad about doing or not doing something.


Let's take this scenario which I discussed with a friend of mine recently... She was struggling with eating well (she eats very well), body image and being hard on herself. She asked what to do when someone brought cupcakes into work - "I want to eat one, but then I feel guilty enjoying it. I don't deserve to have one, I didn't even make it to the gym this week."

This was her ego talking. So I suggested this approach: Initial reaction - Gratitude.

Sign from House of Belonging on Etsy

Ok so the cupcakes are there. Immediate reaction - thank the person that brought them. Thank them personally, write an email, in your mind, whatever.

"Wow that was so nice and thoughtful of them to think of me today. And how thoughtful to lug these across town, probably in a cab, going out of their way into work today just for me.  I feel so loved."

As soon as you begin to do this more often, the ego will quiet. It won't even have a chance to say "You don't deserve it."

How to Practice an Attitude of Gratitude

Here are a few ways you can begin to cultivate your attitude of gratitude this week.

1. Every night this week, keep a gratitude journal.
This can be a physical journal, in the notepad on your phone, or just something you think about before you fall asleep. Think of three things you are thankful for - it can be as simple as the super comfortable pillow your head is lying on. Write them down, or recite them.

2. When dealing with a situation that brings fear/anxiety/stress, thank those involved. Notice if the fear dissipates.

3. If you catch yourself wanting to react to someone with attitude, pause - put yourself in their shoes, and then genuinely thank them. 
The more often we practice this attitude of being thankful, the more you will see it start to play out in your daily life. So give it a try for the next week - and see how you feel.

Check back in again next Monday for our next topic in #FGKMindfulMay! And if you have any questions, feel free to comment below.

With gratitude,
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I am so excited to announce a new series for this month, which I have named "FGK Mindful May" or #FGKMindfulMay.

What is Mindful May?

Each week, starting Monday, I will announce a new theme or challenge for the week. These all circulate around taking a more mindful approach to your everyday life.

I was very enlightened during my teacher training in our "off the mat" discussions. We discussed many ways of making simple changes or thinking about things in a new way that have really made an impact on my interactions with myself and with others since I have been back. I am so excited to share some of these with you (and because I am far from perfect, it will help me too!).

How to Participate

Just check in with the FGK Facebook page or FGK Instagram on Monday mornings to see that week's challenge. I will include a longer description on the blog of our focus for the week.

I will also include some way you can "complete" that weeks challenge, using hashtag #fgkmindfulmay in a photo you post on instagram or Facebook.

My goal is to cultivate a community sense of mindfulness, gratitude and to see how this begins to impact your life and the lives of others around you.

Spread the love! 

Check back in Monday for the first Mindful May challenge and enjoy your weekend!

Heart open,

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One of my greatest struggles coming into yoga has been finding “the edge” in my practice. I attacked yoga like a sport – track, volleyball, running – and I ended up hurting myself in the process.

Yes, I got hurt doing yoga. That is a thing. It is a very real consequence of not listening to your body, silencing your internal teacher while also having a misguided sense of the POINT of the practice. This last part is crucial. 


I am sharing this with you because I know many of you, like myself, are competitive people. Yoga is not a competition – it is a practice. This concept has finally started to resonate with me, but it took awhile. Aren’t we always practicing for SOMETHING? A game, a meet, a show?

I grew up in competition, pushing myself and my body to the point of pain time and time again, and then through it for higher, more desired outcomes. I associated pain with success.


“Push through the pain.” “Feel the burn.” “No pain, no gain.” 

Yoga was the same I thought. In order to “achieve” the postures, the advanced asanas, I just had to push and practice, push and practice.

 But I got caught up in it.

Now, the funny thing is, I listened to my body. I knew exactly what was going on. But over the years of conditioning my body through intense exercise, I had also conditioned my brain to disregard that voice that said “Hey are you sure you want to be doing this, it’s kind of hard and I’m not sure I like it…”

“It’s fine, you’ll like it when we’re done. You’ll be the fastest. It’s worth it. One more mile. PUSH.” 


It only took me about 3 days of meditating in Bali to realize I needed to remove the word “push” from my practice. (Journaling after meditation – highly recommended).

Not that it’s bad to push – you need to encourage your body to try things, to hold poses for longer than you may think you want to hold them. I was just able to realize and accept the fact that I am simply not strong enough mentally – yet - to be able to do this in a mindful and loving way. 

Years and years of conditioning my body to override my brain. You’re not “feeling” the sprint workout today? Too bad. Do it, and do it hard. If you don’t, you will get pulled aside and asked why you are half-assing… Why aren’t you showing leadership and leading the pack?…You threw up after 40/40s? Good, it means you pushed yourself...one more rep, one more bruise, one more hurdle. (Ok so I may have had kind of an intense track experience).


Intense enough to the point where I competed for an entire season with a stress fracture in my jumping foot. It wasn’t until I literally fell out of bed one morning in college because I couldn’t put weight on my foot, that I realized anything was wrong. My roommate picked me up, looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s time to see Dr. Daley.” (Much love and gratitude rooms).

These experiences – while common and natural to elite sports training – did not translate appropriately when I began practicing yoga. Yoga is different. Which you can say to someone like me a million times til Sunday and I still won’t GET it.

Yoga is different.
(I know)

But really, we shouldn’t do this firelog pose. I don’t think you’re there yet.
(Oh I’m there, I can be there. See? My hips are open. Firelog. Check.)

Check.

There are a few specific types of yoga – one that starts with an A and the other that starts with a B – that I am mentally not strong enough to practice yet. These types of yoga focus on perfection and progression of postures, or asanas, that I quite frankly believe some people’s bodies will never be able to achieve because they aren’t built that way.

Some will find these postures easily. Some people can handle this striving to perfect the pose, some can find comfort in the similarity of the sequence and that is kick-ass awesome for them. I am just not one of those people. Not yet at least.


So until then, I will focus on my love for the practice, for myself, to be mindful and loving to my body and know there is nowhere to get, nowhere to go. The practice is about the journey. And remembering that journey when you finally DO rock that crow to handstand, for the first time in the middle of the room, with no props – and remembering all of the times you got excited along the way.

And then teaching others how to find the feeling themselves. This is my yoga.