The Fit Girl's Kitchen

*Disclaimer - I wrote this on my flight out of Chicago. The shift has started...

As I embark on my two week trip for Costa Rica, I am finally writing the update that I have been putting off for the last thirty days.

sunset // playa negra

I’ve written it a million times in my head, but have suffered the most aggressive writers block I can remember. I’ve felt guilty for neglecting the “blog” part of FGK, but am making peace with the fact that I cannot do everything. I WILL not do everything.

That is what this trip is for - to get away. To reconnect again to myself. To process. To feel. To manifest. To serve myself.

We cannot serve others if we are not serving ourselves - mentally, physically, spiritually, all of it. Some may see this as selfish, but I assure you with my experiences over the last year, I do not believe that is true.

beach path // playa negra

So we search. We unconsciously become dependent on others for justification, or for them to supply something we are lacking. And then it crumbles. Everything implodes. We are constantly moving through cycles, riding waves that we neither predict nor control.

The last few months have been tidal waves - my separation from my husband. The loss of my grandmother. Selling my house. Leaving the city I thought I might be living in for the long haul.

Moving away from beautiful friendships. Leaving the studios I worked SO VERY HARD to become part of - to start again. Single. 30. Jobless.

But these words are just words - not labels. We CHOOSE to label situations in a certain way - with a predisposed interpretation that we have manufactured on how we are “supposed” to feel. The most critical thing I have learned in the last year is how to be present in a situation by treating it as factual - with no labels or emotional attachment.


Maybe death is triumphant. Maybe divorce is radiant. Who knows - each situation is dependent on the person in it. When we can remove ourselves and let the experience be what it is - we can ride the wave, instead of being engulfed by it. 


I knew I was going to need time to process everything that had happened in the last three months. I knew I was going to arrive in Chicago with guns blazing, ready to take on the yoga world. I did not anticipate how ready the yoga world was ready to take me in...wow. The people, the studios, the auditions, the energy - I was welcomed in with open arms. I am humbled & grateful.

Not that the transition has been easy - logistically yes. Ridiculously smooth - which I keep saying enforces the fact that this path divergence, following my gut and my true self was right on. 


Emotionally easy - far from it. The barrage of feelings - unpredictable and raw - I have only begun to process.

So hence this trip - I need to reconnect to myself. Feel real happiness. Feel real pain and heartbreak - instead of plowing forward with the next move. To surrender to myself.

This can be awfully scary but I need it, I WANT it - to continue to heal and so that I may assist others in healing of their own.

// Truth - I secretly wanted to go completely off-grid for two weeks. But I knew that wasn’t realistic (bonjour, do you understand how much I love photography and my newfound obsession with snapchat video documentary?) - the universe had other plans, as it always does.


I will be spending the next two weeks volunteering at Peace Retreat, doing work and giving my time to others as a form of meditation. Some of this work is helping run Peace Retreat's social media. (Of course it is. #ihearyouuniverse)


Additionally, I was selected by the premium yoga brand prAna as a challenge leader for their February yoga challenge on instagram (read: daily posting of yoga poses for the next 30 days). Which is kick ass, and I am honored to be part of it.

Off gridding is not in my cards. But reconnecting to myself is - that is my #1 priority on this trip.

My mantra for 2015:     To Inspire 

My goal for 2015:          to write to write to write 

I have already shared this with some key people in my life, in my tribe, to help keep me accountable. Now I am sharing it with you - what is your intention for this year? What goals can help you manifest it? Who are key people in your life you can share that with? Or heck, share it with the world.

Be bold. Live your passion.  f e e d  y o u r  s o u l  |   xx

Kat

I have learned so much in this past year about goal setting - but not in the tried and true "corporate" way I had done for so long.

The goal setting I'm sharing with you today doesn't involve worksheets, setting aside three hours on an afternoon to "work on yourself" (although I am a huge fan of the concept of vision boards), or hiring a life coach to tell you what to do. Because that isn't realistic. If it was, we'd all be doing it.


I can't tell you how many people I've suggested goal setting to and the immediate response is "Oooh yes yes, I really should do that..." Like ooh yes I'm really going to make that dentist appointment. Mmm hmm yes I just LOVE the dentist.

We hate the dentist. The dentist sucks (sorry dentists.) Because taking a look deep inside yourself is kind of like that. There can be some scary stuff in there. Your fears are in there. Fears of failure - fears of success.

The goal setting I'm talking about is not a one-time or once a year thing - it's an ongoing, everyday practice of manifestation.

sorry mom. this is funny.

It's great to check IN with your goals once a year/month/week, but actually living out your intention is an everyday thing. Interested?

How to Manifest Goals for 2015

1. Declare Your Intentions

Begin by settling into a place of unconditional love and non-judgement. This could be when you first wake up in the morning, after meditation, after (or even DURING!) a great workout or yoga class, or just being surrounded by supportive family and friends having a glass of wine. Any frame of mind where you feel JOY, HAPPINESS, FREEDOM, PEACE.

Reflect on areas of your life - health, relationships, spirituality, career.  What do you WANT out of your life? How would it feel, what would it look like if these areas were brimming to the top with satisfaction?


Now, set your intention. Before a workout, meditation, yoga practice, start of your day. While the coffee is brewing. In the shower. Try some places out - see what feels natural and keep practicing intention setting every time you do that thing.

2. Be Specific

The universe needs help kids. Be SPECIFIC in your goals.

Start small. Select one action step, one small thing to do in each to bring you closer to moving that satisfaction rating up a notch. Maybe it's just to bring awareness to the area at hand...


Manifestation 101: Avoid setting goals for material objects. The universe doesn't care about those. Experiences, feelings, relationships - all good.


3. SHARE Your Goals


You don't even need a pen and paper. Grab your phone, open to notes - and go. I have pens and paper all over the place - next to my bed, on my coffee table - anyplace inspiration strikes. Stop trying to think of actual goals - just intentions of how you want your life to feel. Grab a sharpie, a notecard, and tack it onto your bathroom mirror or fridge. Remind yourself of what you are working towards.

My notes section on my phone is absurd. I have crazy ass lists that I will publish someday - but do you know what the funny thing is? I've done most everything on them. And when I share them with my friends - I do almost every single one.

And if you have an urge to put it out there on facebook or instagram - by God, do it. It will fuel your FIRE.

4. Believe in Yourself

"But what if I post it on Facebook but then don't actually do the thing? People will think I'm a failure..."

You define "failure." Failure is a concept we have created in our own minds by our ego to protect ourselves and learn what success feels like.


I promise you, people are so wrapped up in their own shit, no one will even notice if you don't do the thing you posted 8 months ago. You are more likely to find a community SUPPORTING your goals and efforts and the CONNECTIONS to help you achieve your goals than the latter. How will you know if that random connection exists if you don't tell anyone?

(Also if you don't do the thing you said and someone asks and you explain that the timing isn't right or it didn't work out and they are super judgy - then you really don't need them in your life anyways, do you?) Ah, see its a win-win.

5. Not Now Doesn't Mean Not Ever

This goes beyond the mat...Practice intention setting. Practice reflection. Practice patience.
Practice manifestation.

...And give your subconscious a little credit. It controls your actions and reactions more than you may realize.


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Strength. It comes in so many forms. The strength I have witnessed these past few weeks from different people in my life who have undergone some of the most heartbreaking moments of loss has both inspired me and caused me to do a lot of self reflection.


I know this is kind of a heavy topic, but the reality is that sad things happen. Either in our own lives or to others around us that we love - and it's ok to be sad sometimes.

Without knowing sadness and heartbreak, we cannot appreciate true happiness and joy. One cannot exist without the other. It is how we process and choose to deal with grief that defines us in our darkest moments.

Strength

I have been absolutely floored and inspired by the strength I have seen lately - one from a friend who suddenly lost a mother, and the other from friend who lost her newborn child. Both happened within a week of each other - neither expected. The strength I have seen by both of these women and the families around them - supporting them in this time of utmost sadness - was so beautiful. I am still awestruck.

Nothing can prepare you for the sudden loss of a family member. I am so so very fortunate to not have experienced this personally in my own life so I cannot relate to what they must be going through - I can only watch and support.

I've watched communities band together, sharing prayers, time, food, love, patience, peace. I've watched husbands support their wives, friends drop everything they are doing and prioritize another family over their own. So much selfless love has emerged from these moments of sadness, it only begins to scratch the surface of answering why.

Why.


There is always a why. How could God do this? Why are people removed from our lives suddenly? The seeking for answers is often the hardest part.

Surrender

We might never know why. But we can begin to surrender to the fact that it isn't up to us. There is a greater plan. We don't know what it is, but there is a reason for the events and the timing of these events in our lives that affects everything.

Everything is connected - all energy is universally shared. The sudden loss of a friends mother may inspire you to call your own, just to say you love them. Which warms the heart of that mom, who feels compelled to share her love that day with a stranger, warming their heart. And so on.



We may not understand why things happen in the order they do or the way they do. Sometimes years later we can look back and appreciate the changes that were made in our own lives, in response to an event, and see how it shaped our path. But in the current moment, this path can feel quite dark.

This is where we can start to look to surrender to deal with pain, happiness, sadness. It is ok to feel sad, to be sad, to cry, to grieve to let your emotions OUT. They have to get out, or they will just keep building inside, swelling and consuming and eating away at your joy.

Clearing out the junk

I have never found such surrender as I have on my yoga mat. I didn't quite understand what was happening in my practice, why I would feel so much better mentally after. Or why I would suddenly cry in savasana, sometimes for absolutely no reason at all.

Yoga, meditation, true surrendering activities allow us to clear out the junk. Sometimes it is some really old, scary, cobweb covered stuff that you completely forgot you buried down there years ago. But it hasn't moved. It has existed within you this whole time, perhaps creeping into your interactions with others.

Think of that time you heard a song from your past, and the surprise wave of emotions it evoked. It probably took you by surprise. But those feelings exist within you. And you need to learn to feel them, to let them out, to not judge them. To simply look at them as if you were a person standing on the outside looking in - learn from this, and then watch them float away like you are releasing a beautiful balloon into the sky.

This is not an easy skill. It takes time, practice, energy, patience. But it can be done. I have only begun to tap into the powerful things my mind is capable of once I am able to truly surrender. Yoga is what has taught me to do this.


I've cleared out a lot of junk on my mat. On the running path. On my bike. In my own backyard while meditating. It wasn't all pretty. Some of it was beautiful.

The point is, there is no right way to go about dealing with grief or sadness. But it IS ok to feel feelings. Because that is what makes us ALIVE. The ability to feel sadness and sorrow, happiness and joy. Love.

I have found the better you can learn to connect to these feelings, the easier it is to connect to your inner self, understand why you feel how you do and control your emotions. Not react so quickly, so negatively, so aggressively. To feel a sense of peace and contentment and be able to share it with others (particularly if they are having a bad day).


This week the yoga world lost one of its most foremost teachers, B.K.S. Iyengar. My yoga training was Iyengar based, in alignment and philosophy, and I have only begun to process many of his teachings.

I love this quote above, and believe it speaks to what I have found personally on my mat. I know that yoga may not appeal everyone, so I encourage people to then find something - some routine, some activity that allows them to truly surrender. A safe place to clear out the junk in your mind.

Find your yoga. Find your meditation, and peace will follow.


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All images courtesy of Amelia Coffaro

One year ago right now, I was insanely unhappy. But I had NO clue. I was in denial. The signs were there - the main red flag being the alarmingly emotional reaction I had when my car tire almost blew out on my birthday.

I spent the day crying, with my dog, in the lobby of a Goodyear tire center. At one point on the floor. (My deepest apologies to the men working there that day. I was, for lack of better words, a hot hot mess.)

Someone asked me soon after that - are you truly happy? 

I was surprised. I answered well yes of course. How could I NOT be? I had all of the “things”. You know, the things which were supposed to make you happy - I had a new house in a pristine neighborhood, an adorable dog, a husband, a successful career…I had checked off all of the boxes.

 …Right?

And yet I was unhappy.


But I could not figure out why. So I tried a lot of things - I started exploring new career paths. I made new friendships. I broke off toxic ones. I fell out of love with myself. I made poor life decisions. I decided to escape to Bali. I fell in love again. I quit my job. I started my own business. I learned how to meditate. And I learned the power of unconditional love.

So on the eve of my 30th, I am sharing ten things I have changed or learned over this past year. I hope they inspire, cause you to reflect or possibly try new things in your own life. And please share with me if they do - I am a student and friend first always!

Ten Lessons from 29

The theme for the second week of FGK Mindful May is asteya (pronounced ahs-TAY-yah) which is sanskrit for non-stealing. Asteya is one of the five yamas (or yoga ethic principles) that are basically guidelines for ways to live life mindfully off the mat.

These 10 rules or ethical guidelines that make up the yamas and niyamas are not far off from another set of ten rules that many of us may be familiar with, however I really liked the newer interpretation I found with them at teacher training.

For example: non-stealing. We all get it, don't take things that aren't yours. We know right from wrong. But what if we applied this in the concept of stealing something less physical, like stealing time or resources...

Stealing of Time

One way we can interpret asteya is in the stealing of time; stealing time away from others, and also ourselves.

We steal time from others when we are late, we steal time when we interrupt, and we steal time when we are distracted and not present when in the company of our family and friends. A great example of this is being on your phone while having a conversation with someone else.

Time is a very valuable thing - texting, checking facebook and email while at the dinner table or just spending time in the company of friends isn't just rude - its actually a form of stealing.



I found a nice description of this on the Lululemon blog:


When we are on our phones constantly in the presence of others, we are demonstrating that we believe our time and needs are more important than theirs. This can really impact our friendships and especially our relationships.

Finding Contentment with What We Have

When we constantly focus on comparing ourselves to others and create judgements about what we don't have, this can lead to manifestation of desires (in a negative way). It is 100% ok and awesome to have goals and draw inspiration from others. But when we start coveting or thinking that we are not enough because we do not have enough, that is where things turn sour.



These thoughts or feelings can begin to express themselves as jealousy and can project some serious negative vibes onto others. It also drives this fear of inadequacy, that we don't have the right car or clothes or house - and then we overcompensate to make us feel "whole."

But think about it - have you REALLY ever not had enough of something? Food, clothing, heat, water, love, air? Most of us have an abundance in our lives that we never really appreciate. The sutras teach that when we learn to practice this concept of non-stealing, we realize that everything we need will come to us naturally, and has always come to us naturally. The universe will provide, so to speak.



The Yoga Sutra of Pantanjali teaches us that “to one established in Asteya, all wealth comes.” So, the more we find contentment in what we have, the less we begin to feel these thoughts of fear, desire and jealousy. We begin to feel less of a need to steal from others, from ourselves and from the earth. And we become more wealthy than we ever thought imaginable, naturally.

How to Practice Asteya

The easiest way to begin for me was with the concept of stealing time. So this week, I encourage you to be mindful of how you steal time from others.

• Respect people's time by not being late
• Be mindful of how often you ask others for help. Is this something you could do yourself, or do you really need assistance?
• Try not to interrupt someone's story just to share your ideas. Be a good listener - let them speak!
• PUT AWAY your phone at the dinner table. Please. Or play this game:

The Phone Challenge

I started doing this several weeks ago for another reason entirely, but I have stopped bringing my phone or iPad into my bedroom at night when I sleep. This was very difficult at first, but has made a HUGE difference in my sleep and the time I get to spend with my husband in the morning and at night.

This week, I challenge you to leave your phone out of your bedroom - charge it in another room or on another floor if you can. See what a difference this makes in your energy, your mood and your relationships in the next few days.

It will also make next week's challenge a little easier ;) Enjoy your week, and continue practicing your attitude of gratitude.

Much love,
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For our first week of the FGK Mindful May challenge, we are focusing on gratitude.

I chose gratitude first in this series because it is one of the easiest and most accessible approaches to living mindfully. Most of our days are comprised of routine - we get sucked into our day to day responsibilities, errands, requirements and it becomes easy to lose our connection to ourselves.

We can see this when we become frustrated at that person in line in front of us at the store, snap at someone who cuts us off in traffic, or lash out at a loved one for no reason. We think, ugh, that's not me. I am not a hateful person...why did I lose my cool?

We also see this in comparing our lives to others - wanting what they have, feeling that we are not good enough. This is our ego driving us, and not our true self.

So how does gratitude play a role here?

Actions and Reactions

One of the best ways to begin cultivating a connection to our true selves is to be mindful in our interactions with others. We can do this by beginning to shift our perspective when faced with situations where we would normally react in a negative way. The easiest way to do this is through gratitude.

What do I mean by this?

Let's take the grocery store scenario. It's late in the day, you are in line and at the store waiting to pay for your food, just wanting to GET HOME. The person in front of you is taking forever - you totally picked the wrong line.

Stop. Pause. Take a deep breath - and think of three things to be thankful for about situation, ie...

- I am thankful I have a job that gives me enough money to afford these groceries tonight
- I appreciate the person who is working behind the counter serving me (and the person taking forever). They probably want to be home with their family right now too, but they will most likely be here late into the night.
- I am grateful for a few extra minutes alone with myself to reflect


Now, notice the change in your body, physically. You probably feel calmer. You may even be smiling. Go ahead and send some love out to the person in front of you, a wish that their day gets better too.

Attitude shift. Just by saying thanks.

Role of Ego

Gratitude can also be helpful when we allow our insecurities to drive us. This is the ego speaking from a place of fear - telling us we are not good enough. Thinking we need more to make us feel better. We "should' feel guilty/ashamed/bad about doing or not doing something.


Let's take this scenario which I discussed with a friend of mine recently... She was struggling with eating well (she eats very well), body image and being hard on herself. She asked what to do when someone brought cupcakes into work - "I want to eat one, but then I feel guilty enjoying it. I don't deserve to have one, I didn't even make it to the gym this week."

This was her ego talking. So I suggested this approach: Initial reaction - Gratitude.

Sign from House of Belonging on Etsy

Ok so the cupcakes are there. Immediate reaction - thank the person that brought them. Thank them personally, write an email, in your mind, whatever.

"Wow that was so nice and thoughtful of them to think of me today. And how thoughtful to lug these across town, probably in a cab, going out of their way into work today just for me.  I feel so loved."

As soon as you begin to do this more often, the ego will quiet. It won't even have a chance to say "You don't deserve it."

How to Practice an Attitude of Gratitude

Here are a few ways you can begin to cultivate your attitude of gratitude this week.

1. Every night this week, keep a gratitude journal.
This can be a physical journal, in the notepad on your phone, or just something you think about before you fall asleep. Think of three things you are thankful for - it can be as simple as the super comfortable pillow your head is lying on. Write them down, or recite them.

2. When dealing with a situation that brings fear/anxiety/stress, thank those involved. Notice if the fear dissipates.

3. If you catch yourself wanting to react to someone with attitude, pause - put yourself in their shoes, and then genuinely thank them. 
The more often we practice this attitude of being thankful, the more you will see it start to play out in your daily life. So give it a try for the next week - and see how you feel.

Check back in again next Monday for our next topic in #FGKMindfulMay! And if you have any questions, feel free to comment below.

With gratitude,
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